Tips For Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is about believing in and liking yourself. It is being optimistic, assertive, taking personal responsibility, and being at ease with other people. What follows are ideas to consider if you want to increase your confidence.

Believing in yourself

Choose your goals. Goals can be fun and enjoyable. They do not have to be things that fill you with dread. If it is a large goal, break it down and reward your achievements. Try to focus on what youve accomplished rather than whats left to do.

Remember your past achievements, no matter how small. Write them down and reflect how good you felt achieving them. Remind yourself that you did that.

Recall the challenges you dealt with in the past and how you mastered them.

Liking yourself

You can feel good about yourself when you spend time focusing on what you are good at. Not sure what you are good at? Got to the point that you believe there is very little you are good at? Grab a pen and paper and start a list. Dont even think about comparing yourself with others. This is not about them -- this is about you. Go through all areas of your life.

Think about your personality. List those characteristics that make up you. What do you like about yourself? It is not bragging -- if you dont say them who else will? Dont wait for other people to say them, they may never come.

Anything about yourself you dont like? How might you go about changing it? If not, how might you go about accepting it?

Spend time using your talents. Set goals for yourself and continue to learn and develop.

Remember to make time to relax.

Make time for your pleasures. You may need to brainstorm what these are if youve not looked after yourself for sometime. Do things that are for you and make you feel good about yourself. If you are thinking about engaging in new things, make sure they suit your personality.

Optimistic about the future

Dare yourself to be happy and optimistic. Dont believe you are tempting fate by enjoying your life and so sit waiting for it to change. Relax and enjoy!

Do not feel guilty or unworthy of having good things in your life.

When bad things happen, remind yourself that they will not last and that you are capable of bringing about great changes in your life.

Assertiveness

Dont always be the one to give in. Remind yourself that you have needs and demands which may be as valid as the next persons.

Learn to say no when you know thats what you want to do. It may be awkward at first, but as with most things, it gets easier with practise. As your confidence soars, so will your assertiveness.

Dont be afraid to express an opinion.

Personal responsibility

Take care with your thinking. Thinking can have a massive impact on your confidence. Do not let yourself doubt or question when you say something good about yourself, or compare yourself to others. For example, I am good at piano playing. Do not follow this up with, so is everybody else and there are many other people better than me. You have just undermined a talent of yours, which will keep you feeling negative about yourself. What purpose does this serve?

Dont wait for life to come to you: go out and live it. This is in relation to the small things (you fancy a particular bar of chocolate) and the big things (where you would like to go on holiday). Dont wait hoping someone may suggest it to you, as it may never happen.

Other people

If other people offer you a compliment, thank them. Dont spend the next few minutes telling them why what they said cannot possible be true.

Think about the good things your friends and family would say about you.

Dont worry about what other people think to the point it dominates your life. Do what is right for you.

Learn to be proud of the successes and achievements of your friends and family.

You dont need to compare your life to other people, as yours is good enough, right?

Copyright Julia Barnard 2007

Julia Barnard is a professional counsellor living in Adelaide, Australia. She provides an online counselling service through her website http://www.makethechange.com.au. Julia also writes articles for the website aimed at enhancing wellbeing and promoting good mental health.

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